grey_heart_13 (grey_heart_13) wrote in boys_and_girls,

Dating a couple - for better or for worse?

So I started my first day of work yesterday and it went well. My boyfriend and girlfriend said they would miss me. When I came home, I was telling them about work but it's like they didn't even care at all. There was no "we missed you" or I love you's or hugs or kisses. I told my bf before that I was hanging on by a thread with this relationship and again it's like he didn't even hear me. They told me that while I was at work that they would clean and organize the bedroom but all they did was fool around and play games. So I was at work while they were having the time of their lives. They had each other. They always have each other and I have nothing. Half the time this doesn't feel like home. I feel like they would be happier with me not around because they were certainly having fun while I was at work. Everyday all day I am either really angry or really depressed or an extreme both. I know if I leave I am gunna be miserable, and not have the life and potential that I can have but I'm not happy by being here. I honestly don't know how long I can hold on to this when I'm reaching but no one is reaching back. I don't feel loved or wanted or needed. It's pretty bad when all I want to do is sleep or be alone just to get away from what I'm feeling. I've been through some pretty shitty times and felt some pretty bad emotions but I have never felt them thsi strongly. I have never felt so angry or depressed in my life. They are always all over each other and I'm left in the dark and it's too much.
I've noticed when I touch my boyfriend he pushes me away but when my girlfriend does he embraces it. I hate it. Sometimes I feel like I hate them and I hate being here and hate everything. I just get so angry and I can't do ANYTHING to make me feel better. I want to get away and scream and tear at things and throw things. I don't know what to do anymore.

~Grey Heart~
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